Posts

Showing posts from 2014

Stop Regina George: 3 Strategies for Silencing Your Inner Bully

Image
A few weeks ago, I agreed to help a new friend with some music by accompanying them. I showed up for our time after a frustrating morning show and a frustrating rehearsal and I was already off my game. We started with an unfamiliar piece with changing key and time signatures, and I faltered. With every wrong note I played, I grew more timid and unsure, while my singer friend kept trying to push me along. Needless to say, my lack of confidence fed into further failure, and I didn't play anywhere near as well as I'm capable. I left our session even more downtrodden. "You're a fraud, David," I told myself. "You couldn't play that music! You’re terrible! You shouldn't even cash the check." Had the singer said the awful things to me that I was saying to myself, I would have burst into tears.   "If we treated our friends the way we treat ourselves, we’d all be in jail.” -unknown   Why do we put up with this bullying from ourselves? And what can we

One Word You Should Stop Using Today

"I've wanted to be a dad for as long as I remember, but I'm not sure I ever will be, since I'm 36 and I'm still single." "Can I make one suggestion about what you just said to me?" my friend asked. "Sure." "Leave out the word still. You're judging what is, as if it's wrong. When you say you're "still single," it's as if you should've found a partner already. As if you should've done something differently. You're single. It's what is. For whatever reason, it's what's meant to be." Mind. Blown. How often do we use STILL to judge ourselves? "I've been working out at Mark Fisher Fitness for 6 months and I STILL don't  have 6 pack abs." "I've been taking ballet for 3 years and I STILL can't do a pirouette." " I STILL can't resist the sweets they keep stocked in the office." "I've been on 139 auditions and I STILL haven't boo

Back from the Edge: How Community Saved My Life

Image
As I prepare to volunteer with Trevor Project’s Lifeguard program, I’ve been thinking about what I would say if a teen asked me: “What is the secret to getting through tough times and believing that ‘It Gets Better?’” I can look back on 3 distinct times in my life when I was “at risk,” and my answer would be this: Community. Community: a group of people who have the same interests, religion, race, etc. ( www.merriam-webster.com ) The word "community" is derived from the Old French communité which is derived from the Latin communitas  ( com , "with/together" + munus , "gift"), a broad term for fellowship or organized society. (Wikipedia.com) I like to think of Community as a group of people, united by some shared interest or common thread, who share their gifts with each other! In Junior High, I began to have suicidal thoughts. I was a closeted homosexual who felt isolated and believed that nobody around me could understand my struggle. Worse, I