THIRST FOLLOWS ARE HURTING YOUR HEALTH

If you’re a gay man who doesn’t struggle with your body image, just hit the back button on your browser. This isn’t for you. 

My Nutrition Coach said to me today (yes, I have a Nutrition Coach. Coaches need coaches too!): “It seems like your self-compassion has really improved - you accept that you’re not going to be perfect, but also don’t let yourself off the hook for areas where you know you can be better...what do you think has helped you make that shift?” I had to take a bit to think about this. And I think my approach to Social Media over the past couple months has made a difference (with help from the Girls Gone Strong 5-day Body Image Course.)

But why does it matter who I follow on Instagram?

Maybe you’re like I was: you follow people you want to inspire you. If you want to be more muscular, you follow people who are more muscular than you are. If you want to be leaner, you follow people leaner than you. The trouble with this is, our minds consume 4K-10K images a day. Your mind doesn’t have time to stop and reason with you: “He’s a model. He gets paid to look like that” or “He’s a dancer. He dances for 4 hours a day in rehearsal. Of course he’s lean.” And so your mind adds up all the images you see, averages them and tells you “this is what you should look like.” 

And what is that message doing to you? Is it actually inspiring action? It wasn’t for me. I was holding myself up to a difficult standard (and sometimes pushing my body to achieve it but struggling to maintain it.) I was feeding myself a message that FIT=VISIBLE ABS. I even heard from one client who told me: I’m discouraged when I see how fit you are and that you think it’s not good enough, because I wonder if I’ll feel the same way if I get as fit as you?” When will “good enough” come? And when I struggle with these feelings about my body, I turn to my coping mechanisms: alcohol and sweets. It’s self defeating. Negative Self Talk is not a positive motivator for change. 

(If you’ve never compared your body to somebody else’s when scrolling Instagram, stop here. This isn’t for you.)

SO WHAT DO WE DO?

1. APPLY THE KONMARI METHOD TO YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA

Go through the accounts you follow and ask if they spark joy! Does following this trainer give me new exercises, or do I just compare my body to his? Does this photographer work with models of varying body types that include mine? Does this account feature only muscular white males? YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE A FOLLOW. You only need to follow accounts that improve YOUR mental health. Remember, you don’t have time to override the constant barrage of images you consume. But you can change the content. (And as you’re scrolling daily, unfollow when you come across an image that makes you feel bad about yourself.)

2. SEEK OUT ENCOURAGING CONTENT

Look for accounts that celebrate your body type or diverse body types. Or accounts that don’t focus on bodies at all. I’ve started following more meme accounts, physical therapist and trainer accounts that offer great information (not just great photos), accounts by Queer and LGBT+ voices, and plant accounts. These really spark joy for me. Create the feed that makes you feel good!

3. ENGAGE POSITIVELY

I read somewhere that a study showed that negative effects of social media are negated by positive interaction! So now that your feed is stuff that makes you happy, let people know! Commenting “Great shirt!” Or “Nice work!” On someone else’s post feels good, and it may help them feel good. I’ve found it leads to more positive interactions! You may make a new friend! (I am not referring to “good vibes only” or toxic positivity. Be authentic with your comments and give them when you really mean it.)

4. CELEBRATE THE WAYS YOU HAVE VALUE 

Make a list of things you bring to the world that have nothing to do with your looks. “I’m funny. I make great chocolate chip cookies. I’m a supportive friend. I’m a great teacher.” Having a great body image isn’t always liking how your body looks; it’s knowing that your value as a human has nothing to do with how your body looks. 

Hey, I don’t have any scientific evidence that these things are why I’m feeling better about my body and finding more opportunities for self compassion, but why don’t you give it a try and let me know how it goes for you! Can’t hurt to experiment, right?