Can the Gays Really Be Monogamous
Category: Romance and Relationships
In an interesting conversation with my dad yesterday, when I mentioned my plan to raise children, my dad said "Well, you'd better make sure you're married, or somehow seriously committed if you're going to raise children with someone." And he wondered out loud whether there were gay men capable of committing that deeply to someone. "It seems to be a promiscuous community that doesn't value relationships," he said of "the gays."
Where does my dad get this? Television? The newspaper? My own accounts of failed relationships? The trouble is that as a member of "the gay community" (is there such a thing?) I find myself wondering the same thing. Does it seem to anyone else that we're always looking over our shoulder (or over the shoulder of the person to whom we're talking) for the next best man? Is there one Prince Charming out there who is going to sweep us off our feet so dramatically that we will fall hopelessly in love forever? Or are we simply introduced by fate to the right person, leaving to us the responsibility of building something lasting? I used to hear it said "love is an action." Relationships take work, this I know. Are we, as gay men, fundamentally opposed to the effort it takes to build a relationship? Do we give up too easily at the first sign of conflict? Are we looking only for the rose without thorns? I say we because I don't know that I am any better than anyone else in this regard. Living in a glass house, I'm unwilling to throw stones.
My response to my dad? I am someone who believes in monogamy. I want to meet someone, fall in love, work together to build a lasting relationship, adopt children, and live a long and happy live as a family. If I want this, I have to believe that there are other gay men out there who want the same thing. I need to believe this, or it's a dark and dismal future ahead. So I will believe.
In an interesting conversation with my dad yesterday, when I mentioned my plan to raise children, my dad said "Well, you'd better make sure you're married, or somehow seriously committed if you're going to raise children with someone." And he wondered out loud whether there were gay men capable of committing that deeply to someone. "It seems to be a promiscuous community that doesn't value relationships," he said of "the gays."
Where does my dad get this? Television? The newspaper? My own accounts of failed relationships? The trouble is that as a member of "the gay community" (is there such a thing?) I find myself wondering the same thing. Does it seem to anyone else that we're always looking over our shoulder (or over the shoulder of the person to whom we're talking) for the next best man? Is there one Prince Charming out there who is going to sweep us off our feet so dramatically that we will fall hopelessly in love forever? Or are we simply introduced by fate to the right person, leaving to us the responsibility of building something lasting? I used to hear it said "love is an action." Relationships take work, this I know. Are we, as gay men, fundamentally opposed to the effort it takes to build a relationship? Do we give up too easily at the first sign of conflict? Are we looking only for the rose without thorns? I say we because I don't know that I am any better than anyone else in this regard. Living in a glass house, I'm unwilling to throw stones.
My response to my dad? I am someone who believes in monogamy. I want to meet someone, fall in love, work together to build a lasting relationship, adopt children, and live a long and happy live as a family. If I want this, I have to believe that there are other gay men out there who want the same thing. I need to believe this, or it's a dark and dismal future ahead. So I will believe.
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