I Do Not Have A Drinking Problem

In 2016, I set one of my goals as “Drink Alcohol 2 or Fewer Nights Per Week.”

I failed miserably.

While there were many stretches that I did not have alcohol (like whole months in a row,) this success was due to short moratoriums like “Sober-Tober,” wherein I agreed not to drink any alcohol at all for a month, usually with some big event on the horizon, like a birthday. I’m great at following rules. At deciding that I won’t do something at all. But I’m also great at ALL OR NOTHING thinking. I’m NOT great at moderation.

As I approached 2017, I thought about how I could make progress or reframe this goal. As I analyzed why my goal didn’t work in 2016, I had a few thoughts.

1.     I do not think there is anything inherently wrong with drinking alcohol. In fact, I REALLY enjoy it! I enjoy the taste and ritual of opening and drinking a Northern Italian red wine. I love slowly sipping a glass of bourbon. In 2012, when I gave up drinking for 90 days, I returned to alcohol with a renewed commitment not to drink shitty beer. So if I have beer, I have a really dark, hoppy IPA and enjoy the fuck out of it! The conclusion? NOT DRINKING doesn’t align with my values. I don’t value not drinking just for the sake of not drinking.

2.     In my values statement (I am lean. I am strong. I am kind. I am grateful. I am worth. I am doing my best.), I find that drinking alcohol most does not align with “I AM LEAN.” Where alcohol is not serving me is in its affects on my health and fitness.

·      When I drink, I ingest empty calories. If I have a whole bottle of wine, that can be 600+ calories added to my daily intake.

·      When I drink, I tend to make food choices that I might not otherwise make (cut to me eating a whole bag of pretzels on the train ride home after a night of drinking at Therapy.)

·      When I’m hungover, I might skip a workout or not give it my all.

3.     There’s not just one reason I drink. Digging deeper, I came up with 4:

·      PURE ENJOYMENT: Enjoying a quality beverage with a quality friend or date, sipping it slowly and truly enjoying it.

·      SOCIAL LUBRICANT: As an introvert, I sometimes use alcohol to loosen me up and break down barriers that keep me from talking to strangers.

·      SOCIAL PRESSURE: Sometimes, I order a drink because it’s what everyone else is doing. Because I would feel weird to be the only one standing at the bar without a drink in my hand.

·      NUMB FEELINGS: There are times when I drink to numb emotions. After a hard day at work, a breakup, or a difficult conversation.

Without placing judgment on the reasons that I drink (there still may be times that I decide to consciously and intentionally drink to numb my feelings or to lubricate socially,) I wanted to build awareness around my drinking rather than make rules about it. I wanted to start “DRINKING MINDFULLY.”  I wanted to explore my behavior with curiosity rather than judgment.

So for 2017, I started a “journal” in the Notes app on my iPhone, where I resolved to write down the WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, and HOW of my alcohol consumption. The How is How I’m Feeling, including which of the 4 reasons (Enjoyment, Social Lubricant, Social Pressure, and Numbing Feelings) and How I felt the next morning (any negative effects of these drinks?)

So far, I’ve had alcohol on 7 nights in 2017.

One night I wrote “3 whiskey on a date. TOO MANY! I may have talked too much. I felt drunk in bed when I got home and hung over the next morning. I also kept eating at dinner after I was full. The intent behind these drinks was Enjoyment, but overindulging ruins the enjoyment.”

Another night I wrote “3 glasses of red wine. Delicious red wine and lovely company. Enjoyment! But I did have 2 slices of the tiramisu because it was so good. Is alcohol to blame?”

It’s too early to tell whether this will create a long-term mindset shift for me around alcohol consumption, but I think its safe to say that it will. Is there some habit you’ve been unable to stop or start, and you can’t figure out why? Maybe starting a non-judgmental journal about that habit could help you create some awareness around what’s driving it? Instead of getting mad at yourself, GET CURIOUS!