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Showing posts from 2016

An Open Letter to My Family on the 2016 Presidential Election

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Dear Immediate Family, A few weeks ago, a friend confronted me about a situation in which they felt disrespected by something I did at their house when I was a guest. I apologized, accepting 100% of the blame, avoided conflict, and brushed under the rug. But as I thought more about it, I really felt was that there were two perspectives; if the shoe had been on the other foot, and I had been the host, I would've felt completely differently about that particular action. We were operating on different assumed host/guest rules, but in order to remain liked, and to be "the nice one" I took all the blame. I made myself small and apologized for something that I didn’t really believe was wrong, rather than open up a conversation that would’ve helped both of us learn more about each other and our friendship.  As I discussed this situation with a friend who is a coach, he introduced me to a model of Conflict Management, and I was able to identify my behavior in

The #1 Fitness Secret Donald Trump Doesn't Want You to Know!

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Sorry for the click-bait title. Couldn't resist. October 2013 to October 2016 I've been messaged by strangers and friends alike to ask how they can make a body transformation like I have. Even though I have a long way to go to my ideal, I can acknowledge that I've made some serious progress in strength and aesthetics over the last 3 years and thought I'd share some of my (non-fitness-professional, just-a-regular-guy) thoughts. I started a new fitness journey in October 2013 when I joined Mark Fisher Fitness for their program "Snatched in Six Weeks." This program worked for me in a few ways that I'd never explored, and I made some huge progress. I thought I'd found the holy grail of fitness. I kept the weight off for about 6 months, until a layoff, a restaurant job, and a happy relationship started putting back some of the weight. I was still working out, but I wasn't as vigilant about my diet. After my relationship ended, I wanted to l

Shirts Off!

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Here's one of the only shirtless photos I could find of myself pre-Mark Fisher Fitness. (Let's just ignore that my shorts are pulled up past my belly button. Goodness knows what that was about.) I was 10. Before junior high, when a combination of bullying and self-consciousness put an end to a carefree attitude about my body. As you can see, I have a caved-in chest, known as pectus excavatus, or "pigeon chest". Around 4th grade, I remember noticing that I didn't look like everyone else and started keeping my body covered. I'd wear my gym clothes under my school clothes so I wouldn't even have to be shirtless in the locker room. When we played "shirts and skins" basketball, I prayed to be on the "shirts" team. Here I am at a birthday party with my towel at my armpits to cover my "deformity." As research for this blog post, I scanned through digital photos from my 10 years in Chicago and couldn't find a single shi

Sanctuary

The community theater was my first sanctuary, where I felt un-judged, loved unconditionally. While I pretended to be someone else, I could more fully be myself. The friends I met there, my community, loved me and accepted me. They took me to Bretz in Toledo for the first time, where many times over the next year, I would leave my worldly struggles behind, and just dance. I would meet friends there who are friends still today. Charlie's was my sanctuary in Chicago. At 2am the music changed from country to dance, and my friends and I would sweat it out to the latest Britney Spears remix. Many a birthday party of mine ended at Charlie's with my friends, no care in the world. Where is your sanctuary? Your book club? Your kickboxing class? Your church? Where you meet friends to catch up and hang out. Where you feel so safe that you could never imagine having to carry a gun there. Now imagine someone deciding that you and the other people like you are wrong and worthless and so the w

Filing for Forgiveness (How Financial Ruin Set Me Free)

I moved to Chicago right out of grad school to sing in the chorus of 4 shows at Lyric Opera of Chicago. I immediately set about conquering the Chicago music scene. I auditioned for musicals, operas, choral groups, and went to open calls for modeling agencies. I sang at churches and soon took a role in a local theater production of Naked Boys Singing. Balls to the wall! I was performing as my primary income source while also supplementing with a day job at Banana Republic, where I made $8.50 an hour for shifts starting at 5 and 6am. I was young! Who needed sleep? When work at Lyric Opera slowed down in the off-season and my school health insurance ran out, I started to panic for some financial security. Add to that a newly acquired taste for the finer things of Chicago's Magnificent Mile (hello, PRADA!) and I needed a full-time job, which I took at Banana Republic. I continued to make my home environment more comfortable (I'm a Cancer; we nest) and clothe myself and go out wit