David J Baldwin


Current mood: contemplative 
Category: Life What is it about Christmas and the holiday season ...

...that makes people who haven't called or written for 3 months send you a "Merry Christmas" text message?

 ...that makes me send "Merry Christmas" text messages to people I don't really like that much? 

...that makes me dream I have 3 kids and I'm changing their diapers, and wake up with a smile on my face hoping someday it will come true? 

...that makes standing in a room full of 30 relatives a very lonely time? 

...that makes me envy my HS friends who are enjoying their first year of marriage or planning for the birth of their first child?

...that makes me want to turn off the phone, light a candle, drink a cup of hot chocolate, and watch The Sound of Music with my dog? 

What is it about Christmas?


Current mood: amused 
Category: Automotive 

My friend Joe and I have been going down to the Palos Forest Preserve since May to mountain bike the trails there. My first time out, a Saturday, I hit a gravel patch going down one of the first steep hills and bit it over my handlebars into the dirt. I got all scratched up and Joe introduced the idea of "BUTCH POINTS." 

A gay man earns butch points when he performs a "butch" act, like mountain biking, camping, or something else that the masses of prissy gay men don't do regularly. There are those who say all gay men are looking for someone "straight-acting," and butch points work to make you more attractive to these people. 

Now, in a way, I feel that this is all pretty silly. Who really cares how "butch" you are as long as you're living your life the way you want? If you're "living authentically," who really cares if you're wearing make-up or women's clothing, or spe


Current mood: determined 
Category: Romance and Relationships This past spring, I thought I related most to Dr. Meredith Grey's character on Grey's Anatomy. I was in love with someone I thought was my McDreamy. He broke up with me and began to date his ex again. The parallels to the show were too much. I was crying at every episode. And I thought I knew (just as we all know that Meredith and Derek will eventually get together) that we were meant to be together--that time would help him realize this, and all would work out for the good. 

I no longer believe this. Why?

Well, there are a lot of reasons that I no longer believe my ex is my McDreamy, and we don't need to go into those. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me? Meredith knows, deep down, that McDreamy really wants to be with her, so she's holding out. This is not my case. 

More importantly, Season Three has helped me realize that Meredith is a victim. She is sitting by as sh


Current mood: confused 
Category: Romance and Relationships Thursday night I headed out to dinner on a date, and as I approached the door of the restaurant, I saw my ex seated just inside the door with his new boyfriend, laughing and eating dinner. My heart stopped, and when it resumed, it raced. I turned and started walking away immediately. "We have to go eat somewhere else. We can't eat here." And we did. 

It's been six months, so what's wrong with me? Can't you be friends with your ex? This is a question that has always troubled me. Many of the people I admire in the world are very good friends with their former lovers, yet I don't seem to be able to do it. I always want to be friends with an ex, yet it rarely happens. 

The first factor? Who broke up the relationship? Perhaps it would be easier if you both felt that the relationship was not going anywhere and decided to break up. I could understand that. In theory, if you like someone enough to dat

Current mood: thoughtful 
Category: Romance and Relationships I rode the train downtown this morning with the cutest gay couple. They were probably about 20 years old. Neither was dressed particularly snazzy. They were both wearing jeans, one with converse tennis shoes and a plaid coat, the other with running shoes and a suede coat. They were cute, but wouldn't stand out in a crowd of your usual gay suspects, the over-dressed and primped. 

I first noticed their conversation. One (the blonder of the two,) was explaining to the other the story of Thomas Mann's "Death in Venice" and its themes of homosexuality. The conversation ebbed and flowed through the history of the term "homosexual," on to the discussion of whether Abraham Lincoln's bedfellows were lovers or merely close friends. 

I marveled at two boys, probably students, carrying on an entire conversation that was so intellectual and so "un-gay," though it centered around homosexuality.


Current mood: aggravated 
Category: Life Monday night as I was walking home from rehearsal at the Lyric, I was hit by a car in the crosswalk at Dearborn and Washington. A woman in a white Lexus finally slammed on her brakes and came to a stop in the crosswalk when I slammed my hands down on her hood. She gave me a dumb look as though she was surprised to find a person in the crosswalk while she had a red light she had planned to ignore. I'm fine--thanks for asking!

 My heart pounding in my throat, I continued down the street.

 When I reached the bus stop on Michigan Avenue, I waited 15 minutes for the next bus, and when it arrived a woman elbowed her way around me and five other people in front of me to get in line for the bus. I wanted to ask her, when I finally got on the bus, what made her feel that she was more important than the other people who had patiently waited in line to get on the bus. Why do some people feel so entitled? We're all paying $2 for the ride! If you


Category: Romance and Relationships In an interesting conversation with my dad yesterday, when I mentioned my plan to raise children, my dad said "Well, you'd better make sure you're married, or somehow seriously committed if you're going to raise children with someone." And he wondered out loud whether there were gay men capable of committing that deeply to someone. "It seems to be a promiscuous community that doesn't value relationships," he said of "the gays."

 Where does my dad get this? Television? The newspaper? My own accounts of failed relationships? The trouble is that as a member of "the gay community" (is there such a thing?) I find myself wondering the same thing. Does it seem to anyone else that we're always looking over our shoulder (or over the shoulder of the person to whom we're talking) for the next best man? Is there one Prince Charming out there who is going to sweep us off our feet so dramatically th


Current mood: hopeful 
Category: Romance and Relationships I sang at the wedding of my best friend from college today. It was an emotional experience. Last night at the rehearsal dinner, Louis' father got up to say a few words. His father toasted his bride-to-be, Stephanie, saying that one couldn't wish for a more beautiful, talented daughter-in-law. I want my father to love someone I love and welcome them into his family. Louis' dad then went on to tell how much he's learned from Louis and how proud Louis has made him. Who doesn't long for that?

 Before their closest friends and family, Louis and Stephanie vowed to love and support each other for the rest of their lives. The friends and family then vowed to support them in this commitment. The minister discussed the importance of becoming one and living sacrificially, placing your spouse's needs above your own. I want to make a public commitment to the one I love that I will love and cherish them "'